run like a bravey

I lucked out again and chose a great book to read right before the 50K trail race I’ll be running on Saturday. Alexi Pappas’ book, “Bravey: Chasing Dreams, Befriending Pain, and Other Big Ideas” is just what I needed.

The book is a series of essays about Alexi’s experiences both as an athlete and just as a human being. She is a talented storyteller and even though some of her stories are heartbreaking, I enjoyed every word. She takes herself down from a pedestal. She is an Olympian, but she has been through the lowest of lows and she has had to deal with more pain than the average human being, both on and off the track.

As a woman who lost her mother to suicide at a very young age, Alexi knew that she needed to be a role model for young girls. Finding mentors was something she inherently knew was necessary for her survival through such a tragic childhood. She writes,

“I learned that I thrive when I’m around people who believe in themselves and in me.”

“A good mentor is a living example of the type of person you’d like to be, and you learn from them simply by being in their vicinity and paying attention.”

“…Deena made me feel like a more capable athlete and she also made me feel like a more capable person. She pushed me from a place of magnanimous love. To be pushed by someone who truly believes in you is a huge gift. It is like they’re pushing you and pulling you at the same time. It is a love that comes from a place of wanting you to be there with them.”

“Even though my mother’s experiences are forever closed to me, the rest of the world is wide open. Like a buffet, I want all the shrimp, all the pasta and all of the chocolate fondue. I don’t have the one person; I have every person. I can pick and choose bite of anything. My selections might not all make sense on the plate together, but I crafted this meal; it is mine, and I love it.”

With all of the wonderful mentors in her life, and knowing that young athletes were following her journey, one night before a tough workout, she posted a poem on social media.

run like a bravey

sleep like a baby

dream like a crazy

replace can’t with maybe

With this poem, she started a whole movement for those who are willing to be brave and to chase their dreams, even if they are intimidating and scary. It’s a movement that acknowledges the pain that goes along with chasing a big dream, and relishes in this pain. Alexi describes what a Bravey is:

“That’s what being a Bravey is—you are making a conscious choice to tell yourself what you’d like to be until it becomes part of you. You choose to replace “can’t” with “maybe” by acknowledging your feelings but focusing on your actions. Your actions encompass everything from what you do with your time, to who you surround yourself with, to the words you feed your mind. To know you can do this for yourself is the most powerful thing in the world.”

I love that Alexi tackles serious topics such as depression and being an Olympian. However, she also has lighthearted and very real and often embarrassing topics that she slips in, including always having Jerry Seinfeld on in the background to fill the silence in her home and her battle with lice as a child.

It’s a book that basically has something for everyone. Some of my favorite topics she discussed were:

- growth mindset and being brave vs. being the victim

- The Rule of Thirds

- how to go about achieving a dream

Alexi describes these concepts below:

Growth Mindset

“…If a bad thing happens, you can see it as a harbinger of more bad things to come or as an opportunity for growth. Both mindsets represent ways to survive in the world, but one makes you a victim while the other empowers you. It’s easier to be a victim; it takes bravery to claim your power.”

The Rule of Thirds

“…But then Coach Ian gave me the best advice I’ve ever gotten: It’s called the Rule of Thirds. When you’re chasing a big goal, you’re supposed to feel good a third of the time, okay a third of the time, and crappy a third of the time. If the ratio is off and you feel good all the time, then you’re not pushing yourself enough. Likewise, if you feel bad all of the time, then you might be fatigued and need to dial things back.”

How to Achieve a Dream

For how to go about achieving a dream, I really liked how Alexi broke it down into steps. Step number one is “commitment” to this goal. That means writing it down, having some physical proof that you have this goal and it’s not just something sitting in your thoughts. I love how she described that you should be like a tree, “keeping your roots firm, but also being able to sense and adapt to the world around you.” Next, it’s important to tell others about this goal, whether it be family or friends, but sharing the goal makes you accountable and the goal will seem more real. It’s then important to give yourself a window of time to work on this goal. There needs to be a clear start and end date for this window of time. Having a window allows you to really work hard and focus on that goal without worrying about what comes next. She suggests making this window of time not too far out and not too close in. Her recommendation is about a year. However, there are dedicated check in points within this window. Next, determine what resources are needed during this time of chasing this goal. It’s important to not feel financially stressed while trying to chase a dream, so it’s important to set expectations early on. Alexi writes:

“Chasing a dream isn’t a right, it’s a privilege—and it’s more likely than not that, at first, it won’t be financially sustainable on its own. Those who are only interestedtend to give up when they encounter serious challenges on the financial front, while those who are committedfind solutions.”

Alexi goes on to talk about what can help you achieve your dreams. She talks about the tradeoffs needed in order to dedicate yourself to your goals. Being consistent, repeating the same things over and over, saying no to some social engagements in order to make time for the work needed to achieve your goals. She also talks about creating “teammates”. This means surrounding yourself with people who are supportive of your pursuits. These might not be your closest friends and might instead be new people in your life who have similar goals.

During this window of time, you need to give 100%, where trying your best becomes a habit. One of the hardest parts of working towards a goal is succumbing to fear and insecurity. Doubt will come from the ones closest to you (family) and it’s important to stay focused on the goal despite many setbacks.

I love how Alexi says, “…understand that a dream comes true very slowly and then all at once. Most of the time you will be in that “very slowly” period. Don’t let people make you feel dumb or naïve during this time.” She continues to say, “Most people go through their lives, or at least their careers, never truly committing to anything. It’s easy for people like that to make us dream-chasers feel self-conscious, at least early on. Remember, chasing a dream goes against their basic instinct, which is to seek out safety at all costs. To them, chasing dreams is a waste of time.”

I will close with what she leaves us with in her book:

many things behind

many things ahead

why feel afraid

when you can be brave instead?